Wednesday, 27 January 2010

Contemplating.

Don't you just hate it when no matter how hard you try with someone, no matter how much effort you put into them, no matter how many hours you spend pining over them, and heeding their every word, they never ever return your gestures. When they do, it hurts. A lot, More anything.

Every single day I wait, I think. I say nice things, I do nice things, I do everything to make people happy, yet it's still not enough. Sometimes, I even wonder if they think about me when I'm gone. When I'm not there, do I exist to them? I doubt it. Certainly seems like I don't.

People can say they care all they like. They can act like every single thing they do is someone, in some sort of 'psycho-drum' benefiting you, or that they do care and try their best. But sometimes, their 'best' just doesn't seem like they're even trying. If they are going to say they care, then surely they should act like I matter, even in the slightest.

Not once have I let someone down. Not once have I tried to hurt someone, or not done what they wanted me to, yet it always seems that when I want something to happen, or for them to do something it just doesn't happen. Why can't it? Or am I not worth the time or effort any more? Who the fuck knows.

Tuesday, 26 January 2010

PHOTO TIME 34

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Something I drew earlier.

Dreams

I keep having weird dreams. By weird dreams, I mean ones that are actually bat-shit insane.
The one that started it all off was at least explicable, but still was just, weird! My best friend's mum; Debbie's Mum, had a big go at me, telling me that if I carried on talking about her in a lewd way she'd "call the police" ...Odd, and to add to the mystery, almost every single one I've had since has been weirder, and weirder.
Other things that have happened in my dreams include; A brief attempt of euthanasia - for no real reason. Living in a casino/hotel/shopping centre - in which I defied the laws of gravity. Being chased by a bunch of red-necks - over £5. And one dream where a lion was on my back garden, trying to eat my dog! With everything in between too!
It just makes you wonder what is going on in my head, especially at night. Oh well. It could be worse I suppose, could be dreaming about Susan Boyle, ahh!

I worked it out!!

I was thinking the other day, and I worked a few things out in my head.
Today, me and Megan have been in a relationship for 26 weeks exactly. It's nearly 6 months now.
(And yes, that does work out to be correct, whilst there are only 52 weeks in the year, the later months seem to be longer than the earlier months...)

I also thought, just how weird the world looked on Google Earth. Everything looks so odd. It's weird how things can look from above, from a plane. In the end though I'll never get to see my home town like that, other than at my computer. Oh well. Life goes on, etc etc.

Monday, 25 January 2010

Hmm...

Whilst in my law lesson, I wondered to myself, "I wonder what my thoughts are like"...But I meant, what my thoughts were like, before I processed them. I suppose there is only one way to find out. All the rest of this blog is due to me not really thinking about what I write...For once.

Hello i am ryan, ryan i am i like cars. do you? i can imagine you do even if it is just to get to places with one. i'm quite bored right now, and i am fed up. haha. wonder what megan is doing now, though i suspect she is still in school. to be honest i often wonder if she thinks about me as often as i do her.
lol, want to grow a beard, though i'm not sure if it would look good. on the contrary i do believe that if i had a car i could look infinately cooler. meant to be in sociology right now but i'm too tired to go. so i can't be bothered. i would very much like to be in the police later when i'm older. not sure if i can though.

got peer-pressured to go to the gym earlier. said no. stood my ground. i'm too tired for that shit.

seemed like my friend debbie was a little annoyed with me last night. not sure if she is or not though. i suppose only time will tell, not that much matters to me right now.
i wish i found more interest in hobbies and stuff. i'm getting bored lately, i do find some interest in things that i used to, but not enough to keep me occupied for long. i seem to be getting fickle lately. when i was little i was pretty easily amused. not anymore.

Sunday, 24 January 2010

Drawing

I was thinking again earlier (Yes, I know, bad idea), and I thought, "Maybe I should start uploading what I draw", so, I think I will! So, if I start tomorrow, you'll have to endure!
So, look forward to that! Until tomorrow though!

Body clock

I think my body clock is ruined. Especially after the last 6 or so months.
I've been going to bed later, and waking up later in the day. It's not good really. On some days, I go to sleep later, and wake up early, or on time. Meaning I'm loosing out on sleep all round...It's not good, at all. Ah well. I suppose I can only try to make it right again.

1 exam to go!

Well, there's only 1 exam left. That's going to be Law, on Thursday. I'm going to be very, very glad when I can get it out of the way...
In other news, I've gotten waaay to interested in the Explosm.net comic, 'Cyanide and Happiness'...It's really, very, very great!

Ah the wonders of the internet. So much, yet we're always bored, haha!

Thursday, 21 January 2010

Chill!

Well, with 3 exams down and 2 left to go, I'm beginning to wonder why people are getting so worked up about exams, etc. Sure, to some people they may be important, but in all fairness, they're actually quite, well, pointless.
There is alot more to life than exams, and there certainly is more enjoyment to be had when you're not stressing yourself out over them.

Think for 5 minutes. What is the worst case scenario? The worst thing that could happen if you fail an exam? It's hardly like your family will be shot, or killed. I very much doubt your house would catch fire. In fact, the worst case scenario is this. You resit the exam. Big deal. Life goes on. It's unlikely that I'm going to pass anything this year. But I feel safe in the knowlege that, no matter how badly I do, as long as I try, I'll be fine. I can go to college next year, get a good grade there, or even a mediocre grade and still go far.
People forget that some of the most influential people in the world came out of school with no grades.
My old maths teacher was dyslexic. He failed his maths GCSE. And look at him now...

So, it still begs the question as to why people are fretting over exams this year. I can see why they might be a little anxious, but worrying to the point at which they are ill? Is that going to help? I very much doubt it.

So what did I do in my last Sociology Lesson before my exam? I chilled out. I took a leaf from everyone elses book for once. I drew a few pictures, and flicked through my text book. If I fail tomorrow, I fail. Big deal. Live with it.

Wednesday, 20 January 2010

Item 43 - Chris

It was only until earlier, when I was flicking back through my Blog that I noticed I'd done one of the items on my list of 'things I have not done'. I noticed number 43: ridden on a High-Speed Train had actually been completed, on more than one occasion. You see, coming back from Megan's house on a Sunday, I have of course had to join a train coming back from London, one of the 'high speed' East Midlands-London St. Pancreas trains.

So, 1 item I have completed, check :)

Monday, 18 January 2010

Cartoons

Yesterday I got told I can draw a detailed picture, but it was often unrealistic, and more 'cartoony' rather than anything else. I quite liked this. It was one of my intentions. I guess I'll just have to take the more cartoony route. For the time being anyway...

I could do with...

I really could do with a car right now. I'm starting to gain more interest in them to be honest. Even if it's a small car, I don't mind. Just something cheap, cheerful, and that doesn't look the business, I don't care. I could always get a better one at a different point really...

...Until then I've just got to live with the knowlege that right now, I don't own a car. Damn shame really.

Sunday, 17 January 2010

Blast from the past

The other day I cleaned my room, and for reasons I’m still not entirely sure about, I broke my Xbox 360. The wire that connects it to my TV is broken. Well, I’ve ordered another but still have to wait for it to come.

In the mean time, I’ve dusted off my original Xbox, and played on that instead. Great fun! I got this one in 2004 as a replacement for my older one that I broke, though I got that one in 2002…

Today I played on Driver: Parallel Lines…I used to play on this game, ALOT, but now it seems I rarely touch it. Hell, I’m sure I’ve not played it in over a year! It’s fun though…Wish some of my other old games worked, like Mercenaries: Playground of Destruction…

Friday, 15 January 2010

2 down, 2 to go!

I've finished 2 of my 5 exams now!
Yesterday I had a Law exam, and an ICT exam. I think I can guarantee I've failed the law, but I might only just pass the ICT exam, if I'm very lucky.
In the end we can only wait to find out. I'm not looking forward to results day though. And nor am I looking forward to the 3 exams I've got left...

Wednesday, 13 January 2010

The advancement of science

I was thinking earlier, why do scientists spend so much time being serious? They spend millions, and their entire lives trying to cure a disease. It's a nobel profession for sure, but surely people would be happier and would enjoy a better quality of life if we live for the moment? So, why don't scientists try to do something 'neat', or 'cool', such as converting some animals into pokemon, or making all the cars insanely nice, etc...
Then, I had a better idea.

What should be done is that all scientists, either from the world, or just the western world should unite and form a union, sort of. This union could be sub-divided into many different catagories, such as Cancer Research, Casual Research (For things designed souly to make us happy), Automotive, Aeronautical, Other health, etc...
Therefore there would be more scientists working in conjunction with one another, helping eachother out, and it is far more likely that things would be resolved better with more scientists working together.

Funding wouldn't be a problem either. It could come from both the governments taxes which, a large amount is used on research anyway, and then could recieve extra help from charitable donations. Therefore, we'd have many scientists working on a large number of differing persuits, and we'd have a lot of funding for these persuits.

It might work. I doubt it'd ever become a reality though.

Exams.

Tomorrow I have 2 of my 5 in total exams. I've got Law (Unit 1) resit which is an hour and a half, and then ICT (Unit 1) resit, which is 2 hours...
Last year I did so badly in my AS-Level exams I've been forced to take resit exams. I really can't be arsed with my exams. They're so boring. I also quite honestly don't really care if I pass or fail. If I can get at least one pass, even an E i'll be a happy man. If not, ah well, it's not the end of the world.

I've always thought exams were a terrible way to test people. What is the point of staying at school pretty much a whole year, just to sum up all you learnt in an hour and a half? And it can be on anything in that subject? Well, that's a load of bollocks. I think an easier system will be to have a series of smaller tests more often, so that the full knowlege of the student can be expressed. Not the half-assed, stressed, rushed essays that are handed in through exams.

Coursework is better, but i still think my idea is the best one.
If i say so myself...

Tuesday, 12 January 2010

Bebo, Facebook, Myyearbook and more....

It occurred to me last night that I hadn't used my Bebo account in ages. Nor my Myspace account. Infact, I have still yet to put my more recent photos on Bebo, Myyearbook and Myspace. How odd really, I used to be quite upto date with this sort of thing. However, my Facebook account is very much upto date and contains all my most recent photos, etc...
I think, perhaps later I will update all my accounts. It needs to be done at some point, doesn't it!

Monday, 11 January 2010

PHOTO TIME 33

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The Shawshank Redemption

This has to be one of my favourite films. It’s so inspirational. One of those epic movies. It’s amazing how such an experience can change a man. And how such an experience can be endured. The movie itself might be several hours long, but it’s still amazing.

It’s just brilliant. A film I can watch over and over, without ever getting bored.

I like films like that and Forrest Gump. A lot!

Sunday, 10 January 2010

Forrest Gump

This is actually an amazing film. One of the best I’ve seen, ever. Makes you think, a little, really. If it’s a tad unrealistic, though parts of it have that gritty realism that only a film based on multiple generations can express.

Parts of it are very inspirational. It also makes you think “Hey, all is not lost.” Some scenes are anyway. Like the one where he saves his army-buddies from the jungle. Only if you try can you do something.

As well as that it’s got one of the best soundtracks to a film ever. Very fitting for a film that is based over several generations.

Friday, 8 January 2010

FORZA

I've gotten really far on Forza Motorsport 3 now. Level 50! The highest level. But most of the races left are the Race-Cars series. I can't tell you how boring I find race-cars in Forza. As a result, I may restart the game, take a different route. It was REALLY good when I first started playing in December.
I also had an idea of how I could get Megan on 3 mobile. I'm going to buy her a cheap phone on the 3 network. Therefore, if she ever needs to call me, or vice versa it'll be free! Which is always good, isn't it! Everyone likes free stuff.

Haircut

I really need a haircut. It's getting way to long right now. I feel like an idiot, walking around with a 15 centermetre fringe. I really do. I look it too.
I'll get it cut as soon as possible. We'll see how long it'll take though!

6th Form

Mum is livid with school right now. My ICT exam is next week.
They said to me that I'd be able to have a lesson between now and then, on Wednesday. My lesson's been cancelled, for seemingly retarded reasons. So, before my ICT resit exam I've not got a single lesson. That's not helpful at all. She's put together everything else from 6th form that's detracted from my education, and now she's writing an angry letter to them, telling them basically that they're terrible and if she can help it no one whom we know will be attending Manor in future.

Good.

Thursday, 7 January 2010

Fact III.

The first set of facts from 2010. Lovely.

1.) In 1918, an assassination attempt was made of Lenin. If successful, the Nazis would have been able to invade Russia, then have the man-power to overtake the world as is what they wished.

2.) In 1961, temperatures around the British coast became so low, large parts of the coast/sea froze.

3.) In 1921 55% of the cars in the world were Ford Model T's. A record that has yet to be broken.

4.) Enzo Ferrari originally worked for Alfa Romeo's racing team, but formed Ferrari after him and Alfa had an argument. Ferrari's road cars were originally only created to fund his racing team.

5.) In 70 years, there are 25,644 days.

6.) On average, more tornadoes and hurricanes occur in England than any other country.

7.) The average temperature on earth is 15 degrees Celsius.

8.) Since 1978 at least 37 people have been killed as a result of shaking vending machines.

9.) 13% of the world's population live in deserts.

10.) The most recycled object in the world is the car.

I could do with...

A big 4wd Range Rover, from the late 80's. Not just because of the weather either. It'd also look, VERY cool!

Wednesday, 6 January 2010

A whole new decade…

It’s hard to believe a new decade has arisen…It’s also hard to believe that one has just passed. So much has happened these last 10 years. It’s amazing really.

2000 – I remember where I was on New years eve, 1999. I was at the house I’m living in now, at a party. I didn’t live here then though. I lived in Bilsthorpe. I can’t really remember much about that year really. Though it was the last year I lived in Bilsthorpe. I’m pretty sure that same year was the ‘Foot & Mouth’ scare.

2001 – Everyone remembers 2001. Simply for 9/11. It was a bad year really. I moved here that year too. In July, a few months before the world trade centre fell. Other than that, I can’t remember that year very well. Then again, I turned 9 that year, so I wouldn’t really…In December though, I cut my arm open. Right to the bone. Still got the scar too.

2002 – 2002…The year Microsoft released their Xbox. I got one that Christmas. I turned 10 that year too. Good times! I also got into year 6 at school. Which would have been my final year at Primary School. In September of 2002, we went on my first holiday abroad. It was to Majorca. A island off the Spanish coast. Fun Times. It’s also the same year we bought our “new” car….A 1994 Citroen ZX Avantage, and scrapped our old one, a 1982 Nissan Sunny. What a year.

2003 – Possibly one of the best years of the decade. 2nd behind 2009. I got into Manor, my comprehensive school. I had a best friend, Greg, who I’d known since 2001/2002 ish, and at first, I loved it. I could walk home on my own, freedom at last! I thought it’d be scary. It wasn’t. I got a phone then, my first. A Sony Ericsson T-610. I actually loved that phone. In December of 2003, we went to Florida. It was the best holiday of my entire life. I’ve never before or since had so much fun. We saw so much, did so many things. If I had the chance to go back, just for a day, I would. In no time. In the news, things did happen. But nothing major, I don’t think. But I was 11….Like I cared about the news.

2004 – This was an odd year. I can’t really remember exactly what happened. It was disappointing to go back to school after such an amazing holiday though. I moved into year 8 in this year. I thought I was the big-man.

2005 – I moved into Year 9 in this year. It was a fun time. Mum and Dad also got their new car. A 1999 Audi A4. Also, my cousin, Elliot was born. I was amazed when it happened. Really I was. But, then there were the July bombings in London. We’d had our first terrorist attack. Bad times. Very bad times…I did, however, discover Mercenaries in this year. An addiction I’ve not been able to get rid of since. What an amazing game. One of those I can actually say has changed my life.

2006 – I made a big choice this year. What my options would be. I chose, Applied Art, Graphics, Applied ICT, Geography and Applied additional science. I also started my B-Tec in engineering in 2006. It was, helpful, not so much fun! But ah well! What can you do really. It’s hard to believe this was nearly 4 years ago, to be honest. I’ve not regretted that decision though. I also went to the British International Motor show 2006. That was literally amazing.

2007 – What a year. I started following car-license plates in this year. From the ‘07 plates onwards. I don’t know why. Just found it fascinating. I also moved from year 10 to year 11 in this year. It was the beginning of the end for my GCSE life. I still hated college, with a passion, but as is life I got on with it. This year I got my bike too. It was a red, dual suspension one, I’ve barely used it. And, I got my first girlfriend this year. Susan. I had another too, Becca. They both were, a bit mental, but I wouldn’t have done anything differently.

2008 – This year really was the beginning of a different life. There are many different times I’ve known I’ve grown. Getting my GCSE’s is one of them. 2 A’s, 3 B’s, 5 C’s and a D. In February I went on a school trip, bringing me closer to those I wanted, and liked. And it brought me closer to friends, but tore me apart from others. I finished my mandatory life at Manor this year. We had Prom, and that was that. No more school. I also chose my subjects for 6th form. Sociology, Law, ICT and Psychology were my options. I liked it, at first but I didn’t know what was in store.
I went to my 2nd Motor show, the 2008 BIMs.
The best bit though, was gaining a best friend. One I could trust. Debs. I also got a laptop for Christmas 2008. I got money from 6th form, it served its uses. Mercenaries 2 came out after 3 years of waiting, impatiently. I met one girl, I almost fell for, and, well that was it. What an odd year. I was so wrapped up in myself though, and my own little world, I don’t really know what went on in the real world. Though, I did decide I wanted in on the Police.

2009 – Here it is. The best year of my life. I’ve always led a reasonably happy life. Even if as a ‘geek’. In January, me and Debbie had a day out in Nottingham never to be forgotten. In March, Mum and dad got their final new car of the decade, the Subaru. I dropped Psychology, after failing most of my A-levels. In July, I found a girl who has changed my life more than anyone, Megan. We’ve been going out since then. She’s pretty much is my life now. I got a blog, and did so much more. I’ve not regretted anything from 2009. I’d say, it’s the best year of my life so far. Who knows what 2010 has in store. We shall see, won’t we!

More snow.

Well, now for the 3rd day in a row, we’ve got MORE snow. Really? Yes. I’ve not been to school since Friday 18th December 2009. Wow…I’m starting to get very bored with it. Call me grumpy, but I’m just fed up with being cold. I also think that the snow would have been great, BEFORE and DURING Christmas…But, now after Christmas, I just want it to be warm again! I can’t really wait till Summer if I’m honest.

Ah well :) It’ll be rate!

Tuesday, 5 January 2010

PHOTO TIME 32

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PHOTO TIME 31

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SNOW

For the second time in 16 years, it’s been declared too snowy to go to school! Hurrah. Though, in a way it’s a bad thing! I really can’t be arsed with snow anymore. Mainly because of the trains. The only good thing is that it’s very fun

Also that I get a day from school. Always good I suppose.

Monday, 4 January 2010

2010!!

Holy cow! It’s now 2010!! 2009 has now gone. Got to admit, it was  GREAT year though. The best in…Well so far!!
I completed one of the 2 new years resolutions I had to complete. One, that i didn’t complete properly was get organized. The 2nd that I did complete was- Get a girlfriend. I did that! :)

I met loads of new people, including my best friend, Debbie…Travelled all over the country including to Cleethorpes and Cornwall. Met Megan.
Made a few mistakes, but gained more than I lost.
Got 2 new phones (LG shine and Nokia 5800).
Got windows on my Laptop.
Thought about many different careers.
Dropped Psychology at A-Level.
Completed numerous games. (Fallout 3, Mercenaries 2, etc…)
Went to Newark Air Museum.
Went to Silverstone.
Spent loads of nights in Leicester.
Broke a watch, but got a new one from Megan.
Made a scrap-book.
Completed my Google Sketchup models.
Made a list of over 5000 Fords.
Had Christmas…

And so much more! My news years resolutions for this year are to talk more, and be more sociable and to be less critical of myself. Let’s see if I can do it! Also, I really hope 2010 is a good year…